Isolation With A Chronic Illness

2 years ago i had a pretty good social life, i had friends who i could call anytime and hang out with. But recently i have never felt so alone. At the beginning of this year, I lost a lot of my friends, i still had some but not that many. I couldn't attend school very often so it made it hard to make friends and have a good relationship with them. I was doing okay though, wasn't complaining that much. 

But around February, i dropped out of school, my illness became too much and i couldn't attend anymore. Thats when i lost most of my friends. Remember i had little to begin with and now i am down to 2 or 3 okay friends who would sometimes text me asking how i was. Slowly they stopped interacting with me at all. Except one person who still called me about once a week. I was SO grateful for her, i had never had such a good friend who cared about me. 

Eventually, i lost her too. She stopped calling and started making plans to hang out with me then ditching me without telling me to go to parties and things i couldn't do. (Not that i was invited anyways) That was the hardest thing, watching her slowly slip away too. I was still getting the rare text once in a while still checking on me, until those texts stopped too. 

Now, i am all alone. I still have my mom and my dog who love me and i am entirely grateful for that. Its still really hard, going through this with no support from any friends at all. I have never felt so alone, i have never BEEN so alone. Its nice to have family but having friends you can talk about different things you wouldn't talk about to your parents. I no longer can have those girl talks with my friends. I have been completely abandoned. 

I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. Being ill is hard enough but having no support from any friends makes it harder. 

I just wish i could be better so i could start making new friends and build good relationships with them and feel loved and cared about by people other than your mom. 

To be completely honest, this showed me i didn't have good friends to begin with anyways, what type of "best friend" leaves you when i needed someone the most? Maybe in the end this will be a good thing, maybe it was supposed to happen to show me i needed new friends and i didn't have very good ones. I just hope i can somehow make new ones and i'm not sure how to even do that right now. Being bedridden makes it pretty difficult to meet new people... 

Bad Episode

So this past weekend i had a major episode, i was at a music festival with my friends when i just got super nauseous randomly so i put my head down on my bag (everyone was sitting on the ground so i just laid down there). I must have passed out for a bit and when i woke up everything was spinning super fast and i was confused and disoriented, i didn't know where i was or who i was. I laid down again and passed out a few more times. When i finally sat up i was shaking and my whole body was vibrating from my heart beating so fast. I couldn't see anything and i was just super scared and confused i had absolutely no idea what was going on around me or anything at all. I do remember hearing people around me speaking to me asking me things but i couldn't understand them and i couldn't speak or move, i felt paralysed.  My friend who thank god stayed with me after i got nauseous got really scared, i must have looked really bad. My friend called me mom and she ran as fast as she could(Never seen her run like that before) because she said she could tell something was seriously wrong in my voice. We got a taxi and she told me i passed out in the taxi again. When we got home i went straight to my bed and my mom got me water and some salt. I don't remember much of what happened after that i just know my mom stayed with me all night. In the morning i felt better, not completely but i wasn't super disoriented anymore and i knew what my surroundings were. I have had something similar happen before but nothing to this degree. It was probably the scariest time of my life this far and i thought i was dying.

I did call the doctor the next day and she doesn't really know what happened but they told me to come in and they could check me out and give me fluids.

If this has happened to anyone ever before let me know, or if you have any idea what happened that would be great to hear some suggestions.